Relationship expert Clio Garland is BACK and she?s answering your burning questions. This week: how to deal with pushy in-laws, what to do when your fiance isn?t a fan of your best man, and the answer to some budget wedding woes.
Stay tuned for more advice from Clio. And don?t forget to ask her your questions below so she can answer in a future blog.
Clio Garland
Question 1: I?m having a budget wedding. I keep feeling like I need to apologize to the people in my life about us cutting corners. For instance, we had an engagement party and it was just a casual BBQ without much and we are not serving dinner at the wedding to save money. My friends and family have certain ideals and standards for how these things should go. How do I deal with this?
Clio says: It can be extremely difficult to have a wedding which does not live up to your family and friends expectations. However, I?m wondering if you are the one who might be feeling most uncomfortable about your ?budget wedding.? It wasn?t clear to me from your questions that anyone mentioned or criticized your ?cutting corners.? Those close to you should be aware of your financial situation. After all, a wedding shouldn?t be about the venue or food, but about two people in love committing to spend their lives together and sharing it with family and friends. However, if someone does say something, I think you should respond that you?re sorry that this isn?t the type of wedding they expected to attend, however a more upscale wedding would have made it impossible to invite them and you wanted them to be there to witness your celebration. If they continue to be critical, there is nothing you can do but accept where their priorities are and enjoy your special day.
Question 2: My fiance doesn?t really like my best man. He?s a little hard to deal with sometimes, but he?s my childhood best friend and I want him to be involved in the wedding. How do I strike some kind of balance here?
Clio says: Getting married means adding additional ?friends? into your life. Often friends, who were tolerated before the engagement, may now seem permanent and elicit more negative feelings. Although your primary allegiance is to your fianc?, it is important for you to discuss how other significant people will fit into your life. My advice would be to let your fianc? know that although your friend may be difficult at times, he is a very important childhood friend. Explain to her how helpful it would be if she were able to not criticize him and be more tolerant of him. You don?t expect her to have a close relationship with him but respect his. After all marriage requires tolerating people who you would never choose to be in you life and, to the extent you can, it helps the relationship.
Question 3: My fiance?s sister is waaaay too involved in the wedding planning. She?s constantly emailing me and she?s trying to take control of everything. Should I say something or let it go?
Clio says: Family relationships can change when there is an engagement and wedding. The addition of a family member may result in another family member experiencing a loss, and concern about how they will fit into the new family. Your future sister-in-law may fear that she will no longer have the same involvement with her brother after the wedding. I?m wondering if he views her ?controlling? behavior in the same way as you do? In any event, this problem needs to be addressed, but it is your fianc? who should speak with his sister. Family members should always be the ones to address concerns about their own family members. Your fianc? should let his sister know how grateful you both are for all of the time and energy she has put into your wedding planning and your hope that she will continue to be involved. Let her know that you are sure she will understand your need to do things as a couple. Assure her that she will be the first one you will go to for advice and recommendations. Additionally, you might give her a responsibility that she can be totally in charge of, for example, the flowers. By doing this you are identifying yourselves as a couple and setting some boundaries with significant people in your life.
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Source: http://blog.lovepost.com/relationship-expert-clio-garland-answers-more-of-your-questions
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